Aging Gracefully

 

 

 

 

Some songs cannot be shared on a Playlist like the one below.
Bummer.  My favorite is Carrie Underwood's performance of
my favorite religious song, "How Great Thou Art."  Sooooo,
there's more than one way to get this on the website.  Yay,
YouTube!smiley

Old Time Religion - compliments of Kenneth Hortman
(we take requests)

 

ADVICE FOR THOSE OVER 70

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy.  If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement.  When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible.  Is that true?  Where can it be found?

A. Yes.  Matthew 14:92  "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt...."

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously!  What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A.  Go braless.  It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 70+ year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 70+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 70+ year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.     

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

I stole ~ I mean, Shared ~ from Susan Elliot Braswell's ('64) FB page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In case you weren't

feeling old enough

today, each year the

staff at Beloit College

in WI puts together a

list to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of

this year's incoming

freshmen.  Here's this year's list:

1. The incoming freshmen were born in            1998.

2. They are too young to remember the             space shuttle blowing up.

3. Their lifetime has always included                 AIDS.

4. Bottle caps have always been screw off       & plastic.

5. They have always had an answering             machine.

6. They have always had cable.

7. They cannot fathom not having a remote  control.

Now I know what our parents thought about our generation....

                          

 

 

     

                                                                                                        

 


The Irony of Aging
 

                   1965                               Now 

Long hair

Longing for hair

KEG

EKG

Acid Rock Acid Reflux
Moving to Calif because it's cool Moving to AZ because it's warm
Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor Trying NOT to look like Marlong Brando or Liz Taylor
Seeds and stems Roughage
Hoping for a BMW Hoping for a BM
Going to a new, hip joint Receiving a new hip joint
Rolling Stones Kidney Stones
Screw the system Upgrade the system
Disco Costco
Parents begging you to get your hair cut Children begging you to get their heads shaved
Passing the driving test Passing the vision test
Whatever Depends
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Johnny Crowell has shared some of his
wisdom with us.

 

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.  I can't afford one.  So I'm wearing my garage door opener.
 
I also made a cover for my hearing aid, and now I have what they call "blue teeth", I think.
 
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
 
 
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
 
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
 
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
 
 
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
 
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'  Just once I want
to say, 'No, it's for company!'
 
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'An ambulance.'
 
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me.  They were cramming for their finals.
 
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
 
Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.
 
 
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
 
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
 
 
 
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
 
 
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
 
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells'Theirs...'
 
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
 
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way.  I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
 
 
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
 
 
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
 
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
 

I DON'T LOOK GOOD NAKED ANYMORE!

 

Thanks for the funny mugs, Juanita!
 

 

It ain't never too late!!

 

 

 

The Contilia Retirement Group in Essen, Germany, put together a calendar using some of its residents to recreate famous film scenes.  Note the ages of these fun-loving folks.  It's NEVER too late to have fun!
Thanks to Juanita Farnham Russell for these fun & inspiring photos.

 

 January
James Bond
Wilhelm Buiting, 89

 

February


Breakfast at Tiffany's
Marianne Bunsbach, 89

 


March


Titanic
Emma Rutt, 86 and Alfred Kelbch, 81

 

April


Rocky
Erwin von der Heiden, 80

 

May

Mary Poppins
Ema Schenk, 78

 

June

Seven Year Itch
Ingeborg Gilbass, 84 and Erich Endlein, 88

 

July


Blues Brothers
Margarete Schmidt, 77 and Lothor Wischnewski, 76

August


Cabaret
Martha Bajohr, 77

 

 

September

Giant
Joanna Trachenberg, 81 and Horst Krischat, 78

 


October

Saturday Night Fever
Irmgard Alt, 79 and Siegfried Gallasch, 87

 

November


Dirty Dancing
Johann Leidtke, 92 and Marianne Pape, 79

 

December

Easy Rider
Walt Loeser, 98 and Kurt Newhaus, 90

YOUTH.  It lasts longer than young people think.

 

 

 
 
 
 
Halloween Rules for Seniors.



You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

9. You remove your false teeth to
change your appearance.

 

8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.
 
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your balance and fall over.

 

6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,'
And you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...'
And you can't remember the rest.


4. By the end of the night,
you have a bag full of restraining orders.


3. You have to carefully choose a costume that
doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.

 
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.

 

And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating...
*
*
*
1. You keep having to go home to pee.

 


No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

What Happened?!

Terry Warner 2/13

I remember growing up in a small East Texas town named Marshall.  It was a grand time to be alive & growing.  I couldn't wait until I graduated high school & could get out of town and make my mark on the world.

 

If you had asked me what my plan was, I couldn't have told you.  I just wanted to leave the small hick town & get away from everyone, where I could be FREE!  I was also getting into trouble, so my mom called the Army recruiter, and the next week I was on my way to boot camp at Ft. Polk, Louisiana.

 

So I was out & free & except for a visit or two, I never went back to Marshall.  The first thing I realized was how big the U.S.A. was.  In boot camp we had a Cajun sergeant & also two Afro-Americans from Brooklyn, New York.  I had to act as interpreter because the sergeant couldn't understand the guys with a Brooklyn accent & they sure couldn't understand Cajun.

 

I finished basic training & went to diesel mechanic school.  Since I had worked for Moseley's 66, I was able to test out, then started teaching electrical automotive theory.  I was doing well. 

 

Then I received orders to go to an undisclosed place in "Southeast Asia."  I wasn't versed in geography & remember thinking , "At least it's not Vietnam!"  I was shortly informed that "Southeast Asia" meant Vietnam.

 

I really didn't mind, though, because I was doing something worthwhile: I was fighting for a cause.  Not sure what kind of cause, but it had meaning & value, even though, at the time, I didn't totally understand all of it.

 

Fast forward forty-plus years and I have grown a lot wiser & definitely more educated.  However, I find myself longing for the good ol' days when life was much simpler and not moving so fast.

 

Sure, back then we had problems just like everyone else.  We had hardships and injustices.  I remember a neighbor who lost all he had in a house fire.  We stood out in his front yard unable to help.  I remember my sister not being able to ride in the lead car going to Bossier City, and that car hit a bridge culvert, killing five out of the six passengers.  I remember my boss's son being killed coming back from Ft. Polk one rainy night.

 

There were tough times and hard times, but we trudged along, knowing deep inside that there had to be a purpose and a reason, and some day we would figure it out.

 

That some day has never been figured out.  It has always been elusive, never definitive.  However, it was all we had to hold onto, and we clutched it earnestly while conquering the injustices & wrongs we were facing.

 

Let's not get too depressed; we had a lot of good days.  Marriage, family and relationships let us draw upon each other & share good times together: fishing in Caddo Lake & Lake o' the Pines, swimming & feeling the little Brim peck at your legs, frog gigging & survival trips on the Sabine River.

 

I remember earning merit badges in the Boy Scout troup & romance at the Corral Club.  There is just something about holding a girl in your arms & smelling her hair & perfume that will fill you with emotions that will alway be remembered in the back of your mind.

 

Now, as a senior citizen, I have passed the midway point in my life.  Actually, I have passed the two-thirds point!  The world is a big mess, and I would be lost without my wife of forty-plus years and the good memories I still have.

 

Looking back, it seems we have lost the moral and ethical values we once had.  Worse, returning to our era is just not an option.  So we are forced to adjust, adapt, ignore and look the other way while the younger generation moves into the position of running the world.

 

Our opinions are old & out of date, and we are left to minding our children & accused of not paying attention ~ sort of like my mother & dad felt when I was growing up. 

 

The other day, I joined a forum & started discussing politics.  Tired of hearing me ranting & raving for a few days, my wife politely informed me that I needed to get out of the forum because I was going around yelling, upset & screaming at the t.v.

 

As soon as the rage left, I repented for my actions blushand prayed for the idiot in the forum & on the t.v.  So, feeling down & dejected because I could not voice my opinion well enough to change their minds, I resorted to writing an article where I could express my frustrations.

 

I feel much better now & am in a perfectly good mood.  I will try to maintain this attitude as long as I can.  laugh

 

I still have a nagging question, though: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE LAST FORTY YEARS??!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

Diet Cookies 

by Terry Warner

 

After being married a few weeks & because of my new wife's cooking, I noticed one morning that my belt was feeling tighter.    
                   

 

For several days I tried "cutting back," but this didn't seem to help, and I was reaching the point of letting my belt out one more notch.  It was obvious that something more drastic was the next step for taking control of my girth. 
                                       

 

I began making mental plans to regain, or I should say, "relose" the extra pounds I had so eagerly added. We overeat & the weight seems to add quickly.  We starve ourselves by dieting, and the weight lingers on for days, weeks, months, and years before finally deciding to leave our bodies & transfer to someone else.  Unfortunately for some, the weight never transfers.

 

It was at this time I found the solution to my weight gain: DIET COOKIES!

 

At the grocery I immediately grabbed the biggest box of diet cookies I could find, returned to work & ate the entire box.

 

A little disappointed the weight didn't immediately fall off,   
I figured that since it took a few weeks to gain the weight, I might have to wait a few days to see significant results.

 

At home after work, I told my new bride how excited I was to finally find something that tasted good & would help me lose weight.  "What is it?" she inquired.

 

I proudly responded, "Diet cookies!"   

 

"Great.  Bring the rest of the box to the dinner table, and we'll have them for dessert."  It was at this precise moment that I realized my wife, being very slim & shapely, didn't understand the concept of dieting.

 

"They're all gone," I said.

 

"What do you mean, they're all gone?" she asked, confused.  I now realized that something might be amiss, and my exuberance was quickly fading.

 

"They're all gone," I repeated.  "I ate the whole box at lunch."  I received a blank stare.  "What?!  They were a box of diet cookies.  Instead of eating lunch, I just ate the box of cookies.  Isn't this a great way to lose weight?"

 

It was then I received a loving education on "diet cookies," serving sizes and nutrition.  We finished our evening meal, and I think my bride had a pudding dessert ready.   

 

In reality, "diet cookies" are overrated anyway.

 

                                                                                                                              

 

Analog Man Buys Digital Computer

By Terry Warner

 

It all started when I finally decided to get serious about making a family video.  I took my computer to the repair shop & told them I couldn't get my video camera to work when I plugged it into the computer.

 

I received a blank stare fron the technician & then he asked what program I was using to capture the video.  This time I returned the blank stare with a "deer in the headlights" look.  Finally, he said, "You need a video editing card in order to record movies on a DVD."  I left the computer with the technician while he installed a video editing card.


At home I got on the internet to find a movie-making program.  I downloaded "Program X" & then had a back-up disk arrive in the mail.  Due to forgetfulness & somewhat laziness, I neglected to do anything with the program for some time. (A little over a year)

Last week I decided that it would be nice if I made the home movies everyone had  been waiting for.  I laid out all of the hardware.  The video camera wouldn't plug into the computer.  I called the computer repair shop & after a small "sigh," they promised to order me a new video cord that I could plug into the camera.  After a few days, the cord finally arrived & I rushed down to the shop & returned home with the cord.  It didn't work.

I returned the computer to the technician who tried all day to get the computer & video camera to cooperate.  He was unsuccessful.  My camera was the older style (5 years) & they weren't sure if it was the camera, video cable, or the video card.  I had the technician order a new cord & it arrived in one week.  Still, the camera & computer would not operate.

I called back & after a short, silent pause, the technician advised, "You need a video capture device.  I used that & was able to get the video camera to work. "  After a long sigh, I told him to order the video capture device.

 

A week passed & the video capture device arrived.  I asked my wife to rush down to the computer shop & pick it up so I could make a movie first thing in the morning.  We were elated.

Next morning I plugged in the video capture device, connected the cables, selected a video I could experiment with and, "Voila!"  Nothing happened!

I immediately called the technician.  After a long "sigh," he asked me to bring the computer, camera, & video capture device to the shop & he would take a look at it.  I loaded everthing up & headed for the computer shop.  He came out, sighed & we hauled everything to the back.  As he plugged in the cables, I saw that I had been using the wrong port on the video camera.  I gave a loooooooooonnnnnng "SIGH."

 

At home I commenced to making my first movie.  After several hours of pushing keys & staring at the computer, I finally went to Windows Movie Maker & made my first video.  However, when I went to save the video, I was alerted that my hard drive was almost full & storing videos would take up too much space.

I called the technician & after a long "sigh," he recommended I buy an external 500GB hard drive.  I could then back up my entire computer & make movies.  Ecstatic, I immediately drove to Radio Shack & purchased the hard drive.  Rushing home, I plugged it in & told it to back up the computer every hour & totally back up once a week.

        

I then discovered that the computer couldn't handle that large of an external drive.....it had slowed the computer down to a crawl.  "Sigh."

 

I decided to stop the madness.  I don't know if it was an intellectual decision, rational decision or frustration.  I would buy a new computer to make movies.  At the very least, this would be the end of this madness.

At the "X" website, I scrolled through the choices & came up with the computer I had specified that would make & store lots of movies.  My account had been closed due to inactivity, so I reopened it, received an instant $5,000 credit limit & ordered my computer.  I posted the good news on Facebook, several blogs & told my friends & relatives.

 

A week passed.  I decided to check on the arrival of the computer with tracking. (Isn't new technology great?!)  I then discovered that my order had been cancelled.  I called the "X" company.  They claimed that somehow I didn't check the box agreeing to the terms & conditions & therefore had not filled my order.  I guess sending me an email wasn't an option.

"Okay, let's get the box checked & proceed with the order," I managed to get out through gritted teeth.  After giving them my social security number, address, phone number & mother's maiden name, the box got checked.  I was now approved & ready to order my new computer.  "Just complete the order!!"

 

"X" company then stated that they couldn't do that, that I needed to talk with a computer expert to ensure I would get the computer I wanted.  "I don't have time to do this," barely concealing my frustration.  "I have been on the phone for 20 minutes & have things I need to do."  After a long "sigh," she said they would call me back.  "Fine," I said.  "Call me back at 8:45 a.m. Central Time."

At 11:45 a.m. I received a call from the computer expert in India, who was very difficult to understand.  Exasperated, I gave several long sighs & told him, "Nevermind."  He is incredulous, I am exasperated & we both give long sighs & hang up.

 

I regain my composure, go online & order a new computer.  Problem solved.

 

I am going online now to check the tracking to see if I can locate my computer that is being shipped & should be here any day now.  SIGH.

 

 

 

 

HEARING TEST
Is this you??
 
The husband is always the last to know.

Mike feared his wife Lynn wasn't hearing as well as she used to and
he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to
discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband
could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away
from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she
hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get
a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was
In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what
happens.'Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife
and repeats, 'Lynn, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his
Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's
for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Lynn, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this)


'For Gods sake, Mike , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

 

                                                

 

 

 Baby Boomers New Theme Song
June George Duet keeps reminding
us how old we are.  Thanks, June.....

Click on picture.

 

 
My source said you have to  ask for them, they aren't automatically given.  
 
Restaurants with Senior  Discounts
(some of  these have some really great discounts!)
Applebee’s: 15% off  with Golden Apple Card (60+)
Arby’s: 10% off (55+)
Ben  & Jerry’s: 10% off (60+)
Bennigan’s: discount varies by  location
Bob’s Big Boy: discount varies by location  (60+)
Boston Market: 10% off (65+)
Burger King: 10% off  (60+)
Captain D’s Seafood: discount varies on location  (62+)
Chick-Fil-A: 10% off or free small drink or coffee  (55+)
Chili’s: 10% off (55+)
CiCi’s Pizza: 10% off  (60+)
Culver’s: 10% off (60+)
Denny’s: 10% off, 20% off  for AARP members (55+)
Dunkin’ Donuts: 10% off or free coffee  (55+)
Einstein’s Bagels: 10% off baker’s dozen of bagels  (60+)
Fuddrucker’s: 10% off any senior platter  (55+)
Gatti’s Pizza: 10% off (60+)
Golden Corral: 10% off  (60+)
Hardee’s: $0.33 beverages everyday (65+)
IHOP: 10%  off (55+)
Jack in the Box: up to 20% off (55+)
KFC: free  small drink with any meal (55+)
Krispy Kreme: 10% off  (50+)
Long John Silver’s: various discounts at participating  locations (55+)
McDonald’s: discounts on coffee everyday  (55+)
Mrs. Fields: 10% off at participating locations  (60+)
Shoney’s: 10% off
Sonic: 10% off or free beverage  (60+)
Steak ‘n Shake: 10% off every Monday & Tuesday  (50+)
Subway: 10% off (60+)
Sweet Tomatoes 10% off  (62+)
Taco Bell: 5% off; free beverages for seniors  (65+)
TCBY: 10% off (55+)
Tea Room Cafe: 10% off  (50+)
Village Inn: 10% off (60+)
Waffle House: 10% off  every Monday (60+)
Wendy’s: 10% off (55+)
White Castle:  10% off (62+)
 
Retail and Apparel
Banana  Republic: 10% off (50+)
Bealls: 20% off first Tuesday of each  month (50+)
Belk’s: 15% off first Tuesday of every month  (55+)
Big Lots: 10% off
Bon-Ton Department Stores: 15% off  on senior discount days (55+)
C.J. Banks: 10% off every  Wednesday (60+)
Clarks: 10% off (62+)
Dress Barn: 10% off  (55+)
Goodwill: 10% off one day a week (date varies by  location)
Hallmark: 10% off one day a week (date varies by  location)
Kmart: 20% off (50+)
Kohl’s: 15% off  (60+)
Modell’s Sporting Goods: 10% off
Rite Aid: 10% off  on Tuesdays & 10% off prescriptions
Ross Stores: 10% off  every Tuesday (55+)
The Salvation Army Thrift Stores: up to  50% off (55+)
Stein Mart: 20% off red dot/clearance items  first Monday of every month (55+)
 
Grocery
Albertson’s: 10% off  first Wednesday of each month (55+)
American Discount Stores:  10% off every Monday (50+)
Compare Foods Supermarket: 10% off  every Wednesday (60+)
DeCicco Family Markets: 5% off every  Wednesday (60+)
Food Lion: 6% off every Monday (60+)
Fry’s  Supermarket: free Fry’s VIP Club Membership & 10% off every  Monday (55+)
Great Valu Food Store: 5% off every Tuesday  (60+)
Gristedes Supermarket: 10% off every Tuesday  (60+)
Harris Teeter: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Hy-Vee: 5%  off one day a week (date varies by location)
Kroger: 10% off  (date varies by location)
Morton Williams Supermarket: 5% off  every Tuesday (60+)
The Plant Shed: 10% off every Tuesday  (50+)
Publix: 5% off every Wednesday (55+)
Rogers  Marketplace: 5% off every Thursday (60+)
Uncle Guiseppe’s  Marketplace: 5% off (62+)
 
Travel
Alaska Airlines: 10%  off (65+)
Alamo: up to 25% off for AARP members
American  Airlines: various discounts for 65 and up (call before booking  for discount)
Amtrak: 15% off (62+)
Avis: up to 25% off  for AARP members
Best Western: 10% off (55+)
Budget Rental  Cars: 10% off; up to 20% off for AARP members (50+)
Cambria  Suites: 20%-30% off (60+)
Clarion: 20%-30% off  (60+)
Comfort Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Comfort Suites:  20%-30% off (60+)
Continental Airlines: no initiation fee for  Continental Presidents Club & special fares for select  destinations
Dollar Rent-A-Car: 10% off (50+)
Econo Lodge:  20%-30% off (60+)
Enterprise Rent-A-Car: 5% off for AARP  members
Greyhound: 5% off (62+)
Hampton Inns & Suites:  10% off when booked 72 hours in advance
Hertz: up t0 25% off  for AARP members
Holiday Inn: 10%-30% off depending on  location (62+)
Hyatt Hotels: 25%-50% off  (62+)
InterContinental Hotels Group: various discounts at all  hotels (65+)
Mainstay Suites: 10% off with Mature Traveler’s  Discount (50+); 20%-30% off (60+)
Marriott Hotels: 15% off  (62+)
Motel 6: 10% off (60+)
Myrtle Beach Resort: 10% off  (55+)
National Rent-A-Car: up to 30% off for AARP  members
Quality Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Rodeway Inn:  20%-30% off (60+)
Sleep Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Southwest  Airlines: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before  booking for discount)
Trailways Transportation System:  various discounts for ages 50 and up
United Airlines: various  discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking for  discount)
U.S. Airways: various discounts for ages 65 and up  (call before booking for discount)
 
Activities &  Entertainment
AMC Theaters: up to 30% off (55+)
Bally  Total Fitness: up to $100 off memberships (62+)
Busch Gardens  Tampa: $3 off one-day tickets (50+)
Carmike Cinemas: 35% off  (65+)
Cinemark/Century Theaters: up to 35% off
U.S.  National Parks: $10 lifetime pass; 50% off additional services  including camping (62+)
Regal Cinemas: 30% off
Ripley’s  Believe it or Not: @ off one-day ticket (55+)
SeaWorld  Orlando: $3 off one-day tickets (50+)
 
Cell Phone  Discounts
AT&T: Special Senior Nation 200 Plan  $29.99/month (65+)
Jitterbug: $10/month cell phone service  (50+)
Verizon Wireless: Verizon Nationwide 65 Plus Plan  $29.99/month (65+)
*Check out our Secret Cell Phone Discounts  to view all cell phone discounts available to  you!
 
Miscellaneous
Great Clips: $3  off hair cuts (60+)
Super Cuts: $2 off haircuts  (60+)


Since many senior discounts are not advertised  to the public, our advice to men and women over 55 is to ALWAYS  ask a sales associate if that store provides a senior discount.  That way, you can be sure to get the most bang for you  buck.


 


Thanks, June!

 

Where to Retire ??
The Baby Boomer's Dilemma

 
You could retire to Arizona where....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away
   because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on
   your hiney from the hot water in the
   toilet.


3. You can drive for 4 hours in 1
   direction
& never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican
   
food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is
    comparable to what hits you in
    the face when you open your oven
    door.


6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot,
    really hot, & ARE YOU KIDDING
    ME??!!

 
 

 

OR

You can retire to California where....

1.  You make over $250,000 & still can't
    afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is
    going down your driveway.


3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to
    your neighborhood block party.


5. When someone asks you how far
    something is, you tell them how long
    it will take to get there, rather than
    how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are Fire, Flood, Mud, &
    Drought.

 Or

You can retire to New York City where....

1. You say "the city" & expect everyone
   to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a 4-hr argument
    about how to get from Columbus Circle
    to Battery Park, but can't find
    Wisconsin on a map.


3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear
    at people in their own language
    makes you multi-lingual.


5. You've worn out a car horn, that is,
    if you have a car.

6. You think eye contact is an act of
   aggression.

 
                
  

Or  

You can retire to Minnestoa where....

1. You only have 4 spices: salt, pepper,
    ketchup and Tabasco.

2. Hallowe'en costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have 100 recipes for casseroles.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything with less 
    than 8 buttons.

5. The 4 seasons are: winter, still
    winter, almost winter & construction.


 

 Or

You can retire to the Deep South where....

1. You can rent a movie & buy bait in the
   same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular & "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob,
    Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,
    Mary Beth, etc......


5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over
    yonder," or "out yonder," & it's
    important to know the difference
.

6.  You have 100 uses for black-eyed
     peas.

 
Or

You can retire to the Midwest where....

1. You've never met any celebrities, but
    the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars
    waiting to pass a tractor.


3. You have had to switch from "heat"
   to A/C on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition:
    "Where's my coat at?"


5. When asked how your trip was to any
    exotic place, you say, "It was
    different!"

          

 

Or, finally 

You can retire to Florida
(The Best) where....

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the
    afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some
    kind -- even houses & cars.


3. Everyone can recommend an excellent
    dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere
    in the state.


5. Cars in front of you often appear to
    be driven by headless people.

6.  Restaurant menus have a "Pureed"
    category.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Y'all still out there huntin'?

 

 

 

  

 

 

 Nancy Voyles has been taking dancing lessons.

 

 

Thanks, Sharon Pope Jones. (She doesn't need this.)

 

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET IT'S THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

 



Observations on Growing Older 

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are perfect! 


~Going out is good.. 
Coming home is better!



~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!" 


~When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything... movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them. 



~You forget names .... but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!


~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds. 


~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything .... especially golf. 



~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember. 


~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. 


~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep". 



~Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident! 


~You used to say, 
"I hope my kids GET married... 
Now, "I hope they STAY married!" 


~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.. 


~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem .... 
were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table. 


~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... 
"what?"..."when?"... ??? 


~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. 


~Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he's home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it may be 8:30 P.M. 


~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it. 


~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! 


~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. 


~Everybody whispers.
~Now that your husband has retired ... you'd give anything if he'd find a job!


~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ... 2 of which you will never wear. 


~But old is good in some things: 
old songs, old movies, And best of all,
OLD FRIENDS!

 

 

 

 Thanks, John Crowell!
 

 

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't.

Believe everything happens for a reason.  If you get a chance, take it & if it changes your life, let it.


Nobody said life would be easy; they just promised it would most likely be worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                              

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

 

 

 

SENIORS TEXTING CODE ...

 ATD - At The Doctors ...

BFF - Best Friend Fell ...

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair ...

BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth ...

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was ...

GGPBL - Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low ...

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On ...

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out ...

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner ...

OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas ...

ROFLACGU - Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up

(Thanks to Sharon Pope Jones......again!)

 

 

Ok, Baby Boomers who are technologically-challenged, here's something that may help you keep up with your grandchildren.........or not.       (June's on a roll.)

 

Vocabulary Words for the 21st Century
Gotta keep current, Mavs. 

 

1. MOUSE POTATO - the on-line, wired generation's  answer to the couch
                             potato

2.  IRRITAINMENT - entertainment & media spectacles that are annoying,
                                 but you find yourself unable to stop watching them


3. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE -
the fine art of whacking the crap out of  an
                                         electronic device to get it to work again

 

Thanks, June, for reminding us how hold we are!! 

 


 

 


Thanks, Rosell Lewis Carr !

 

 

The first senior moment in history:

 

We'll be friends until we're old & senile.  Then we'll be NEW friends.....

 

 

This video doesn't tell us anything we
don't already know (or should), but it's
a nice way to spent a couple of minutes. Enjoy.

 

YOU KNOW YOU’RE OLD WHEN.....

 Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look THAT old?

    My name is Alice, and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back when?

    Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply-lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

    After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

    "Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a Mustang," he beamed with pride.

    "When did you graduate?" I asked.

    He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"

    "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely.

    Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled-faced, fat rear-end, gray-haired, decrepit old man asked,

   

            

              "What did you teach?"

 Ok, Mavs.  I expect to see some major boogying at the reunion.  If the following
video doesn't inspire (or depress) you, you need re-programming.  These are
SENIOR seniors; we're just FRESHMAN seniors, so no excuse for sitting on the
sidelines!   

 Thanks, Billie Lee Cox Evans!

 

  

  

  

 

 

 

 

 

I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous,
but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school. Thanks, Elaine Meyers Woolridge

 

 

 

 

Comedienne Anita Renfroe sings a parody of Josh Groban's "You Raise
Me Up."  Ladies, at our age, we need all the help we can get.

 

 

 

 Ok, one more by Anita - can't help it:

Anita Renfroe performs a parody of Carrie Underwood's "Before He
Cheats" at the Premier Designs National Rally 2008. Parody is entitled
"Before I Eat."

 

 

ScreenHeros - Some "related video" offers pop up at the end. No, they're NOT related & I worked hard to get them off, but to no avail.  Please disregard. This "Screen Heroes" video is worth seeing.
Thanks, Billie Cox Evans

                 

We make NO guarantee of the content accuracy.  It's just
an interesting video on our interesting era.

 

 

First you forget names, then you forget faces.  Next,
you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally, you
 forget to pull it down --- George Burns 

 


DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYONE?

 

 

 

COLONOSCOPY JOURNAL     4/1/10
 
ABOUT THE WRITER - Dave Barry has published several hunorous books and was a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald (and BTW, is our age, Boomers).  I heard him speak at a book store & he said this is the only thing he's ever written that had a point to it.  As a Dave Barry fan, I tend to agree.
 
     I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.  A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
 
     Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said because my brain was shrieking, "HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!"
 
     I left Andy’s office with some written instructions and a prescription for a product called "MoviPrep," which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.  I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now, suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.
 
    I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.  In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
    Then in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.)  Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon...
 
     The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, "a loose, watery bowel movement may result." This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
 
     MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic here, but have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.  You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently.  You eliminate everything.  And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.  After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
 
     The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous.  Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage.  I was thinking, "What if I spurt on Andy?" How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?  Flowers would not be enough.
 
     At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.  Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, which I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
 
     Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.  Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down.  Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.  At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
 
     When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.  I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere.  I was seriously nervous at this point.
 
     Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was "Dancing Queen" by ABBA.  I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" had to be the least appropriate. "You want me to turn it up?" said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
 
     "Ha ha," I said.  And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade.  If you are squeamish, prepare yourself because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like:
 
     I have no idea.  Really.  I slept through it.  One moment, ABBA was yelling, "Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine," and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.  Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.  I felt excellent.  I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over and that my colon had passed with flying colors.  I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
 
     On the subject of colonoscopies... colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
 
1. Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!
 
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
 
3. Can you hear me NOW?
 
4. Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?
 
5. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
 
6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
 
7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...
 
8. Hey!  Now I know how a Muppet feels!
 
9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
 
10. Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
 
11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?
 
And the best one of all:
 
12. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
 
 

 

 


Noticed the generation gap yet?

 

 


You could always pretend you meant to do this...

 

 
Other than this, it ain't so bad.

PART 1   

Hey, Baby Boomers, do your children or grandchildren think you're old?  Well, we are at the head of the line, Baby Boomer-wise, the generation that redefined aging.  And we beg to differ! We still haven't lost it, and here's positive proof:  (Scroll down for evidence.)

To Skip to Part 2, Click on car       
To Skip to Part 3, Click on Bill & Hillary                           

                                      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You MAVS are still hookin' 'em.


You beauties are still stopping traffic.

(For the visually-challenged, to enlarge pictures, click on them.)

 
 You're still playing air guitar.


Still going ga-ga over superstars...& governators


Still the bad boy at the biker bar.


Still performing in the Lions Loonies.


Still goin' ta them Texas roundups.


Still the party girl


Still will......well, you know who you are...


Still the biker babe


Still looking for adventure and...

craving excitement,

Still loving a good skinny-dip

 

Still sneaking your dad's hot wheels out, cruisin' Grand Ave...... and gettin' caught by the law,


Still lookin' for discoveries off the beaten path.


Will still do anything for a laugh in Study Hall.


Will still do ANYTHING to hang out with girls.

 
Still trying to amp up the Corral Club.


Still sneakin' that porn


Still hogging the limelight


Still playing in the mud


Still swinging in the park

Still challenging authority


Still a winner


Still don't have enough credits to graduate


Barbie the senior years
Still playing with dolls

Still worshipping heroes


Still enjoying a slice of birthday cake, and...


Still love being the birthday boy.

IF THIS WON'T CONVINCE THE WORLD THAT WE'RE STILL YOUNG, THEN WE'LL JUST HAVE TO KEEP TRYING.  STAY TUNED FOR "WE ARE NOT OLD!" Part 2

 

 

 

PART 2

THE BABY BOOMERS' GUIDE TO AGING GRACEFULLY

(...or, WHEN THEY PRY MY COLD, DEAD FINGERS... whichever suits you)
 
   It has come to my attention, Boomers, communicated to me with the best of intentions, that some of you -- a rare few, mind you -- are having difficulty adjusting to your new, exalted status of "Oh, Wise One."  As self-appointed role models for the entire universe, we Boomers are the vanguard of the Newly-Old; we are the Chosen Ones, the Definers of every stage we've swept through.  People are watching.  Our heirs are looking to us to guide them into the Golden Years like no other group has ever done.
   So for you few who may not be embracing this role optimally, this little handbook is presented, chock full of information that you already know.  Let's begin quickly, as we have no time to waste (on so many levels).
 
 
TAKING STOCK           (CLICK ON PICTURES TO ENLARGE)
 
 
  

 
latest senior citizen fashion craze in asia
 Feeling tired a lot lately?

 

 

 


 Feel like you're getting no respect?

 

 


 Attitude taken a negative turn?

 

 


Old lady no teeth bush bashing
 Blaming others for your problems?

 

 


Old man racing with his grandson
 Losing the Rat Race?

 

 


Funny old man photo
  Cheer up, '65ers! There are MANY ways to recapture the Youth that you used to know, and, even better, it's all under YOUR control!  Here's how:

 

 

 

 

MAXIMIZE YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH


 First, get a check-up. And don't forget, you're entitled to a second opinion.

 

 


 Who's better than your doctor to give you good advice about improving your health?

 

 


 How long's it been since that last eye exam
?

 

 

 


funny face of old man
 A trip to the dentist will clear up those pesky oral problems.

 

 

 
 No shame in corrective hearing devices.

 

 

 


 Increase your
consumption of fruits & vegetables.

 

 

 


 Studies have shown that use of free weights can add strength even to those at the low end of the fitness scale.

 

 

 

 
 So can a little yard work.

 

 

 


04_super_granny.jpg (18376 bytes)
 Maintaining flexibility is as important as strength training.

 

 

 


 Martial arts can have multiple benefits.

 

 

 


 A walk in the sunshine promotes the production of Vitamin D.

 

 

 

 
Severely limit your exposure to fast foods!

 

 

 


 Getting back that figure is easier than you think.

 

 

 

 A HEALTHY SOCIAL LIFE ADDS YEARS


 Don't be afraid to make new friends.

 

 

 


 You might discover you share the same past times.

 

 

 


 Take a friend out to lunch.

 

 

 


 Get out more often; take in a show.

 

 

 

 
 Pamper yourself with a day at the spa.

 

 

 


Join community theater.

 

 

 

 
Funny photo of old man looking behind a picture
 Discover art.

 

 

 


 Take up gourmet cooking.

 

 

 


 Walk barefoot on the beach with your best buds.

 

 

 


 Learn the dance to "Thriller."

 

 

 

 
 Become a community activist.

 

 

 

 
 Volunteer your teaching skills.

 

 

 

 
 Keep your heart open to new relationships because...

 

 

 


 you may find love in unexpected places.

 

 

 


 Bring yourself into the 21st century.

 

 

 


 Let your age work FOR you.

 

 

 


 And hey! Every now & then, just take a moment out of your hectic life to relax and contemplate the universe.

 

    CONSIDER THIS A FORUM, FELLOW BOOMERS.  COLLECTIVELY, WE HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS TO ANY QUESTIONS ON COOL AGING.  SEND US YOUR HELPFUL HINTS & WE'LL POST THEM, THUS ENRICHING THE LIVES OF ALL WHO LOOK TO US FOR GUIDANCE.

 

      


PART 3

THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ANYBODY!

 

David McClure from the Dallas News Community Opinion page.

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK ! I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." 

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet, a mere child! Senior citizen? 

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo! Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? 
I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. 
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? 
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"


I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror !


Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.


Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found !


I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" but all I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.


Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake !" I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK ! My grandfather does stuff like this all the time!"


All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast !


As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky. 

The good news was I had successfully found my way home!
   
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today. 

The people who are starting college this fall  were born in 1991. 
  
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. 

Their lifetime has always included AIDS. 
  
The CD was introduced two years before they were born. 
  
They have always had an answering machine. 
  
They have always had cable.. 
  
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. 
  
Popcorn has always been microwaved.                 
  
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. 
  
They don't know who Mork was or Mindy or where they was from.. 
  
They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ', or 'de plane Boss, de plane'. 
  
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. 
  
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. 
  
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. 
  
Notice the larger type?   
  
That's for those of us who have trouble reading. 
  
P.S.  Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.


 

 

 

 


Go, Mavs.  But a little slower, please.

 

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