This page is dedicated to all Texans, used-to-be Texans, adopted
Texans or wanna-be Texans:
A LITTLE BIT OF WEST TEXAS
Most of us don't live in West Texas and probably weren't
born there, but it's still ours, and it's just as pretty in its
own way as the rest of the Lone Star State. Enjoy.
Wyman Meinzer is the photographer. He once lived in the old jail in Benjamin TX. The photo of the coiled rattlesnake appeared on the cover of a wildlife magazine in the 80s. He said there were times he crawled a long way on his belly to get a good shot of a wild animal.
Most of the pictures were taken in West Texas in the rolling plains (Caprock to Seymour), the PitchFork, the 6666, and the Waggoner Ranches. There are some scenes in Palo Duro Canyon.
The music is by Doug Smith, from Petersburg TX. Doug plays by ear ~ he cannot read music but has many CDs available for purchase.
(Click on the 4 arrows to the left of VIMEO to get a full screen.)
There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living," for good reason: there ain't nobody interested in livin' up north; nobody would buy the magazine!
Southerners know their weather report: Humidity, Humidity, Humidity
Southerners know their vacation spots:
The beach, The rivuh, The crick
Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey, Darlin', Shugah
Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes, Driving Miss Daisy, Steel Magnolias, Gone With the Wind
Southerners know their religions:
Bapdiss, Methdiss, Football
Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern
charm: Chawl'stn, S'vanah, Foat Wuth, N'awlins, Addlanna
Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform, Men in tuxedos, Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall, The Country Club, The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair & nails, Having bad manners, Cooking bad food
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit & a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" 'em, you "PITCH" 'em.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken & a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin' !
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" & "a right fur piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines... and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room & half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "y'all's" is plural possessive.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, & coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner.
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" & "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar & lots of it ~~ we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals & a dose of sausage gravy & call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to thse of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff...
Bless your hearts. I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a 2nd language.
Southern girls know men may come & men may go, but girlfriends are friends fah-evah!
Now, Shugah, if you're a Northern transplant, bless your heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.
Thanks, Jimmy Lyle!
TEXAS IN Graphs
Background for this video sung by A&M Men's Chorus
This could only come from a guy. And are you surprised it's
Johnny Crowell? A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6’ 2”, strong as a longhorn and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to the only place he had ever dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff’s Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said, “You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test” that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.”
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six politicians, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant.
“You pass,” said the Chief Deputy. “When can you start?”
Thanks, Barry, for the following signs:
THINGS I LEARNED
LIVING IN
A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya.
If it crawls, it'll bite ya.
Onced & Twiced are words.
People actually grow, eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
Y'all is plural. Y'all's is plural possessive.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You only own five spices:
salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco & ketchup.
The local paper covers national & international news on one page, but requires 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports & gossip.
Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr.(first name).
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
Thanks for the material, Barry
36 REASONS TO LOVE
1. To all the people who think Texas is a desert wasteland, how many deserts look like this?
Sequin, Texas
2. Or have natural pools like this?
Dripping Springs, Texas
3. As for being dry? Much of Texas is the opposite of that.
Uncertain, Texas
4. It has everything from flowing streams....
Gruene, Texas
5. To scenic rivers....
San Marcos, Texas
6. To captivating waterfalls....
McKinney State Park, Austin, Texas
7. And massive city lakes.
Austin, Texas
8. Even the swamps are pretty.
Uncertain, Texas
9. Nothing beats a sunrise in the bayou.
Needville, Texas
10. Or the wildlife
Damon, Texas
11. Contrary to popular belief. Texas isn't flat, either. It has enormous rocks.
Enchanted Rock, Texas
12. Along with deep, cutting canyons.
Big Bend, Texas
13. Photo worthy mountaintop sunsets.
Big Bend, Texas
14. The views are worth the climb.
Big Bend, Texas
15. Only in Texas will you find amazing colonies of BATS above ground......
Austin, Texas
16. And vast beauty below.
San Antonio, Texas
17. People say the state does not have seasons. They could not be more wrong.
Vanderpool, Texas
18. It has colorful foliage in the fall....
Wichita Falls, Texas
19. Long, covered walking trails in the spring.
Needville, Texas
20. Beautiful swimming holes to cool yourself off in the summer.
Wimberly, Texas
21. And every once in a while a mysterious white powder falls from the sky in the winter.
North Richland Hills, Texas
22. Fog is not just something you see in London ~ Texas has its fair share of mystic haze.
Austin, Texas
23. Along with epic storms. Dallas, Texas
24. Really. epic. storms. Vega, Texas
25. Don't forget about the 367 miles of coastline. Port Aransas, Texas
26. You can catch an amazing sunset. Seabrook, Texas
27. Have a lighthouse show you the way.
Pt. Bolivar, Texas
28. Remember, nothing comes close to the beauty of the coast. Galveston, Texas
29. Oh, Texas has deserts, too, and they're awesome. Chihuahuan Desert, Texas
30. They have their own version of wildlife.
31. And select pieces of high-end art.
Marfa, Texas
32. The Lone Star State is known for its rolling plains. Silverton, Texas
33. With amber waves of grain. Vega, Texas
34. Where nothing goes to waste.
Amarillo, Texas (Cadillac Ranch)
35. Few things match the beauty of a Texas evening. Lago Vista, Texas
36. The stars at night truly are big and bright. Gillespie, Texas
So wherever your travels may take you..... Mason County, Texas
Hopefully, one day they'll lead you (back) here.
Austin, Texas
Y'all come to the 50th 55th!
Texas Cow Wash
The Boy from Texas
A man walked into his local grocery store and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some jackass wants to buy a half head of lettuce." As he finished, he turned to find the man standing behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the mgr. said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Texas, sir, " the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the mgr. asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but skanks and football players there."
"Really?" said the mgr. "My wife is from Texas."
"Get outta here!" the boy said. "Who'd she play for?"
A Texas Blessing
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Beetles, scorpions, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
In Texas , Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN TEXAS IN JULY WHEN. . . .
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs...
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron..
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car..
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, 'What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?'
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Ah, what a place to call home. .
God Bless The State of TEXAS !!!!!
98 % OF PEOPLE SAY, "OH, DARN!" BEFORE
GOING INTO THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD...
THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM TEXAS, AND THEY SAY,
"HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS!"
To skip over TX towns info,
click armadillo, above.
Cut and Shoot, Texas 77303
Gun Barrel City, Texas 75147
Ding Dong, Texas
West, Texas (it's in Central Texas) and, of course, Muleshoe, Texas 79347
Rules for Yankees who move to
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be
instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Texan's name, refer to him
(or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance
of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the 2 days of the
year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
Four men in the cab of a 4-wheel drive with a
12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out
of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait
in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth
cookin', let alone eatin'.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is
plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. The first Texas expression to creep into a trans-
planted Yankee's vocabulary is the adjective "big
ol'," as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy." Eighty-
five per cent begin their new Texas-influenced
dialect with this expression. One hundred per
cent are in denial about it.
10. The proper pronunciation you learned in school
is no longer proper.
11. Be advised: The "He needed killin' " defense is
valid here.
12. Tornadoes and Texans going through a divorce
have a lot in common. In either case, you
know someone is going to lose a trailer.
13. In Texas churches you will hear the hymn, All
Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also hear ex-
pressions such as, "Laud, have mercy," "Good
Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."
14. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around
here, are you?"
A Texas Cow Wash
Stupid Texas Laws
* When 2 trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
*One city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot w/o first obtaining a special $5 permit.
* It is illegal to take more than 3 sips of beer at a time while standing.
* It is illegal to drive w/o windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
* It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
* It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
* A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
* The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
El Paso
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them."
Houston
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
San Antonio
It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands. It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
Temple
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. You can ride your horse in the saloon.
Texarkana
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas You may live in Texas if.....
-someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there.
-you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
-you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
- "vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend.
-you measure distance in hours.
-you know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
-you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
-the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody's passing you
-you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly.'
-you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.
Here are some little-known, very interesting facts about Texas
1. Beaumont to El Paso: 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago: 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas.
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North
America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike - 2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John Wm. Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston.
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of No. America's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was "Houston," but the Space Center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in So. Texas is larger than Rhode Island.
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July, 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. flag and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities: Harrisburg, Galveston, Valasco, West Columbia, Washington-on-the Brazos and Austin.
19. The Capitol dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol building in Washington, DC (by 7 feet).
20 The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free-standing monument in the world and is taller than the Washington Monument.
21. The name 'Texas' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas,' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.
22. The State Mascot is the armadillo. They always have 4 babies. They have one egg, which splits into 4, and they either have 4 males or 4 females.
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments
posted at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas
1) Just one God
2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting
5) Put nothin' before God
6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
7) No killin'
8) Watch yer mouth
9) Don't take what ain't yers
10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding a 200-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in Texas reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Maypearl, Texas, Bubba Jones, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless."
Just makes you proud to live in Texas, don't it?
Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.
Texas Ice Cream Truck
Just how hot is it in Marshall today?
Ya'll git all that?
Y'all stay tuned for more, as soon as my typin' fingers quit a-hurtin'
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To skip over TX towns info,.png)
Stupid Texas Laws
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